Prison

FELICITY HUFFMAN WAS LUCKY TO GET PRISON TIME

Let’s face it, if Felicity Huffman had been given the probation she was hoping (and begging) for – her career would have been over. The act of paying to have her daughter’s SAT scores falsely raised made Felicity HATED by every person who ever studied like crazy to get college acceptable grades, or who struggled to pay for tuition and expenses. At least she owned up to her illicit act and apologized. But if she had NOT gotten at least SOME jail time, SO many people would resent her white privilege that she would be dead meat in Hollywood. Getting two weeks in women’s prison means she might be able to work again someday…

Photo Credit: BACKGRID-USA

KIM KARDASHIAN IS MORE INTERESTED IN GOOD PUBLICITY THAN JUSTICE

At first glance, Kim Kardashian’s visit to Donald Trump to plead with him to commute Alice Marie Johnson appears to be a well-intentioned deed. Alice had served 20 years of a life without parole for a non-violent drug crime. Kim saw a documentary about her plight and took up the cause. If she had performed this feat without fanfare – behind the scenes, it would have been quite impressive. But reality-star Kim was actually more interested in making HERSELF look like a kind and generous person than anything else. Her “performance” was documented from beginning to end – starting with the photo above – and this publicity is PRICELESS. When asked WHY she took up this cause, Kim modestly claimed that she appreciates all that SHE has and wants to do something good for other people. Really? She can’t do anything nice without shoving it in our faces? All Kim really cares about is the good PR she is now enjoying…

PRISON CHANGED CAMERON DOUGLAS

Ex-convict Cameron Douglas, 38, reminds us of Riz Ahmed’s character in The Night Of. When he went into prison around 8 years ago, he was kind of pasty looking with glasses. When he was paroled he was a whole new person- all muscle and covered with tattoos. Has he changed INSIDE as much as he did outside? He’s quite a ladies man – while incarcerated his then-girlfriend smuggled drugs to him and his female lawyer did also. That got him more time. In June he tested positive for marijuana. He’s been out for a year and already hooked up with a yoga instructor who is pregnant with his child.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

TERESA GUIDICE: IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE!

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Why did Teresa Giudice check into federal prison in the middle of the night? Clearly, she didn’t want paparazzi to catch her without her heavy makeup, false eyelashes, and fake hair. It’s quite possible that the table-flipping reality star will learn NOT to act on her impulses while she’s locked up. And she’ll observe how the other half lives, up close. So it won’t be time wasted. We’re guessing that the other inmates will find her quite entertaining and treat her like a celebrity if she doesn’t whine too much. If ONLY they allowed reality TV cameras in prison!

BEHIND BARS, TERESA GIUDICE MIGHT BE A DIFFERENT PERSON

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Photo: Bravo
Lindsay Lohan nearly had a nervous breakdown a few years ago when she was faced with the possibility that she could NOT wear her hair extensions in prison. It turned out she could wear them – her sentence wasn’t that long and they were firmly attached. But now Teresa Giudice faces the same problem and the local law says HER extensions have to be removed before she checks in to begin her sentence – partly because they cannot be maintained behind bars. Teresa is freaking out at the idea of being seen with her own sparse hair. (We thought Italians all had thick hair!) That first photo of her without all that makeup or hair will be priceless!

IS ANYONE SORRY TO SEE THE GUIDICES LOCKED UP?

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We like to think that justice has been served at last! All that bankruptcy, bank, wire, and mail fraud (not to mention tax fraud) finally caught up with Joe and Teresa Guidice. Apparently their Real Housewives reality show made them feel invincible and inspired them to flaunt wealth they didn’t have. Joe is going away for 41 months and Teresa was sentenced to 15 months. Plus, they have a lot of money to pay back. The sentences could have been worse – the judge was kind to allow Teresa to serve her time first, starting in January, so there will always be a parent home with their four daughters. No matter what they say, we get the feeling that Joe and Teresa are not sorry for what they DID – they’re sorry they got CAUGHT.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

CHAZZ PALMINTERI TO JAILBIRD LILLO BRANCATO: GET LOST!!

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When Sopranos actor Lillo Brancato, 37, got out of jail after eight years he hoped his Hollywood friends would give him a break. The heroin addicted actor was acquitted of the murder of a policeman who was shot at the scene of an attempted burglary (his partner fired the gun) but served eight years for burglary itself. As a teen Brancato starred in “A Bronx Tale” in 1993 with Chazz Palminteri and Robert DeNiro – a movie about right and wrong life choices. Chazz is an active supporter of the NYPD and has visited the slain officer’s family. According to the New York Daily News, he wants NOTHING to do with Brancato, saying “He’s made monumentally bad choices and has to live with the consequences.” Cheers to Chazz Palminteri!

DOES TERESA GIUDICE HAVE A FUTURE IN OR OUT OF PRISON?


Photo:Bravo
If Teresa and her surly husband Joe Guidice think their federal fraud indictments are bad news – they haven’t heard the worst. Behind the scenes, Bravo executives are seriously discussing the future of the New Jersey Housewives. Teresa is the most outrageous of the housewives and the Guidices could easily both be sentenced to time in prison. Could the show continue without her? Should it? According to The Daily News, Bravo’s new boss Bonnie Hammer isn’t a fan of the reality series – yes, it gets good ratings, but advertisers don’t want to be associated with it. This could be the end of Teresa’s reality career.

OJ SIMPSON ASPIRES TO APPEAR ON ANGER MANAGEMENT WITH CHARLIE SHEEN

OJ Simpson is looking forward to costarring on “Anger Management” with Charlie Sheen if he manages to get out of his 33 year sentence at the Correctional Center outside Reno, Nevada. OJ’s rep (yes, he still has “people”) contacted a producer on the FX show about OJ joining the cast and he loved the idea. OJ would play a convict in Charlie’s prison therapy group who’s resentful about his incarceration. When you think about it, it WOULD be hard to resist watching Sheen and OJ onscreen together. But the backstage moments of the two egomaniacs are what interest US. The gossip possibilities are endless. The whole OJ comeback idea depends on two factors: OJ’s early release and the FX network okaying the idea. Still, we’d much rather see OJ languish in jail.
FX Photo

JOE GIUDICE FIGURED OUT A WAY TO MAKE MONEY WHILE HE’S IN PRISON

Who would have guessed that “Real Housewife” Teresa Giudice’s husband Joe would become so fond of the TV cameras that he would want to take them along to jail! When the “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” first aired, Joe was suspicious and resented the loss of privacy – especially involving his bankruptcy. How things have CHANGED! According to The Enquirer, now that Joe faces prison time for obtaining a false driver’s license, he wants the cameras to follow him to a New Jersey state prison. He’d have his own reality show spin-off, adjusting to daily prison life. Teresa would show up on visiting day. Producers love the idea – now they just have to find a cooperative prison.