Janet Charlton's

HOLLYWOOD

After a string of bad romances,  our A-lister is telling friends that she’s finally found The One, but her pals are already taking bets on when the bloom will fall off the rose.  You see our gal starts off playing the perfect partner,  but it’s usually only a matter of time before her act gets old.  She likes to target guys who are physically attractive and successful, but LESS successful than she is, and she always winds up flexing her fortune to control her partners.  Her last few significant others finally got sick of being told what to do, especially since they had enough money (though not as much as her) to live a relatively extravagant life.  Her latest guy has just as much if not more fame than she does, but his bank account falls WAY short, so she’s already beginning to start controlling with her purse strings – that means she’s already paying for everything.

GUESS WHO!!

Our holier than thou TV icon loves to lean into her devotion to religion, in fact, she frequently claims her relationship with God has kept her going when her seemingly perfect life unraveled.  Her good girl schtick has gotten her far in life, since she’s not the most talented one in the bunch.  Well we can’t help but wonder what her fans and God would think about her latest escapade.  She’s been on the market for awhile, but the reason she hasn’t had a serious relationship in years is that she’s secretly already IN one – with a very married man.  Yes, our gal is breaking one of the 10 commandments and it gets worse.  The man she is carrying on an affair with is married to one of her best friends!  All we can say is our gal has a lot of repenting to do.

GUESS WHO!!

We would like to thank one of our readers for sending in one of the following whodunits.  We did our research (we had an inkling who it was, since the reader kept it anonymous) and added a few extra details we were able to confirm.  Happy guessing and Merry Christmas!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and trust us, this household name is SCORNED. Although she was semi-famous, she leapt to household name status thanks to her relationship with her rich and super famous former partner.  That romance imploded, and while she walked away with a decent settlement, she is LIVID that her ex quickly moved on and seems happier than ever.  She recently had a full blown meltdown and had to be sedated out of fear she would harm herself (this was all kept very hush hush) and now that she’s calmed down, she is out for REVENGE.  Our gal has very compromising photos of her famous ex dressed up like a little boy in diapers and bonnets since he has a mommy fetish and likes to pretend he is a baby during intimacy.  In case you’re wondering, she also has videos, and is about to go scorched earth unless she gets a WAY more lucrative payout since the price of her silence just went UP.

GUESS WHO!!

On paper, our gal is successful, famous, has a fun personality, and is drop dead gorgeous – so it’s a mystery why she just can’t seem to keep a man.  Mystery solved.  She talks a big game, but the sad truth is she is a terrible lover.  One famous ex recently  confided to a friend that despite her perfect body and model looks it felt like sleeping with a corpse since she barely moved or made a sound.  Making matters even worse, she apparently isn’t very big on personal hygiene, and her private parts have a distinct and unpleasant odor.  Her exes always seem to end things abruptly with lame excuses, since none of them apparently have the courage to tell her the real reason they’re bouncing.

GUESS WHO!!

Our gal is permanently on the A list but unfortunately – thanks to frivolous spending to maintain her incredibly lavish lifestyle – she is secretly suffering from money woes.  It also didn’t help her bank account that she’s dealing with a financial burden due to some unpleasant family drama.  The financial stress is taking a toll, and although she’s no longer in the prime of her life, she’s back on the circuit working her sequined butt off to keep the cash flowing.  The grind is now affecting her mental health and she’s returned to a few familiar friends – booze ( especially champagne) and pills!  It’s a bad combination and her relapses are starting to affect her performances, which is why she isn’t her usual professional self on stage.  Friends fear the worst, and are bracing for a disaster, possibly another secret stay in a psychiatric hospital.

GUESS WHO!!

These two were famous before they got married, and the truth of the matter is, they have lasted longer than most predicted. While they’re publicly acting like the happiest couple on earth, privately they’re anything but.  See, the bloom has fallen off the rose, and they’re just sick of each other.  She now finds him physically repulsive and he thinks she’s frigid and entitled.  They haven’t had sex with each other in ages, but they’re both sleeping with others – she’s banging the brother of her sister’s husband while he’s hooking up with  a stripper he met during a recent bender.  The only reason they’re staying married is because she comes from a wealthy family and the terms of her trust state that she will inherit millions more if she stays married for at least 20 years – so the countdown begins.

GUESS WHO!!

Our mega star should be on top of the world – she’s wealthy beyond her wildest dreams, her career is multifaceted, and after years of heartache she is finally in a happy relationship. Or at least she WAS, until she caught her partner pleasuring himself while watching gay porn!  He insisted he was just curious about gay sex and has NEVER been with a man, but now our gal has serious doubts.  She is monitoring his every move, but the situation is making her so incredibly stressed that – yikes- her hair is falling out!  Luckily for her she enjoys wearing wigs.

GUESS WHO!!

Our guy is the definition of a nepo baby –  he has a famous last name, but that’s about it.  Most of his life accomplishments involve snagging beautiful women – thanks to his ample trust fund.  His latest romance is heating up faster than Miami in July, but unbeknownst to him, his significant other is only with him for the perks.  Behind his not so smart back, she’s still sleeping with her high school sweetheart, who’s everything our guy isn’t – blonde and muscular with movie star looks.  The only problem is her hunk is a blue collar worker and she dreams of a life of luxury, so that’s why she intends to marry our guy and still sleep with her stud muffin lover behind his back.

GUESS WHO!!

The years haven’t been incredibly kind to our former teen heartthrob – once he lost his boyish good looks, his career  pretty much nosedived.  He has landed a few projects here and there, but his level of fame is nowhere near where it was during the peak of his career.  To cope with his downward trajectory, our guy has turned to illegal drugs popular in the gay club scene, most notably GHB.  He was originally turned on to the gay party drug by one of his more flamboyant friends – and now he’s hooked.  His only connection to the drug is a gay dealer who will only give him his fix if he pays him in sexual favors.

GUESS WHO!!

Our multifaceted guy is now living an openly gay life, and after a few rough romances, seems to have found his Prince Charming.  Things were off to a great start with our guy wooing his boyfriend with lavish trips, fancy dinners and countless gifts – unfortunately he also gave him one gift that wasn’t returnable – MONKEYPOX!  The highly contagious disease seems to be spreading in the gay community, and while our guy claims to be monogamous, he can’t resist going to bathhouses and after hours sex parties, which is where he caught the unpleasant affliction.  His boyfriend was LIVID and threatened to drag his name through the press if a hefty check wasn’t written to buy his silence.  Ironically, our guy wrote the check,  yet the guys are still together.  Seems the boyfriend decided the perks of dating a big celebrity were too good to give up even with an STD.

GUESS WHO!!