Booze

NICOLAS CAGE: WHEN YOU CAN’T REMEMBER WHERE YOU LIVE, IT’S TIME FOR REHAB

Nicolas Cage has had several alcohol fueled public meltdowns lately and we’re thinking it’s Next Stop: REHAB. He embarrassed himself in Bucharest when he got so drunk at a party he was bellowing incoherently in the street and had to be dragged into his car by a bodyguard. He even forgot his wife at the party and they had to go back. He’s made several drunken scenes in New Orleans, but this last one is absurd because he was SO hammered he forgot where he lived, and took it out on his wife. (He had to sell his New Orleans home and is currently renting.) It was very late and Nic was drunkenly insisting on entering the wrong residence and his 20 years younger wife Alice Kim was trying to convince him they were staying at a building nearby. Imagine if he had stormed into the wrong house! As usual, Cage made a huge fuss and was bullying, yelling and roughing up his wife on the street when a cab called the police. When police came he DARED them to arrest him and they did. Cage was booked at 6:33 AM. (How late are the bars open there, anyway?) It’s time for Nicolas to get a grip on his finances AND his substance abuse.

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LADY GAGA’S MOM IS ON THE TOUR BUS

Lady Gaga is in the habit of getting very run down on her tours by keeping late hours, partying too much, and not eating. So she invited her mom to come along on her current tour and keep an eye on her. Cynthia Germanotta, 56, is traveling on the tour bus with her daughter and she’s determined to keep her healthy. Hopefully, Gaga will be eating more and drinking less, and her only health threat will be her absurdly high platform shoes.

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ELIZABETH TAYLOR WAS A GREAT MOVIE STAR, NOT A GREAT PERSON

We’ve had it up to HERE with the tributes to Elizabeth Taylor. Let’s get real about Liz. Sorry, but she simply wasn’t worthy of all that admiration. She had a pretty face but other positive qualities were rare and far between. When she was a teenager Liz started stealing other women’s husbands. (We still admire Debbie Reynolds for forgiving her.) The acquisitive actress married seven men and finagled as many diamonds out of them as she could manage. And bragged about it. She loved her pets but never bothered to house break them – they messed her carpets – and OTHER people had to clean up. She had health problems but casually checked into a hospital whenever she wanted a rest. Of course her health would have been much better if she had controlled her urges to overeat, drink, smoke, and take drugs – and she never exercised a day in her life. Self-control was not Elizabeth’s strong factor. In 1983, she admitted to being hooked on painkillers and sleeping pills for 35 years. While filming, she expected to find a “gift” in her dressing room every morning or she might not be in the mood to work. We mean jewelry, not flowers. She kept people waiting for hours with no apology. Liz expected her friend Michael Jackson to shower her with diamonds and jewelry stores are still suing his estate for money he owed for her gifts. Granted, she WAS a dear friend to Rock Hudson when he needed one, but her involvement with AIDS charities brought her a grand lifestyle and prestige – private jets and five star hotel suites around the world for her and her entourage, incredible gifts, paid for by the charity. Style icon? Only if you like turbans and caftans. When Edith Head stopped dressing her, she lost her glamour. Let’s celebrate her film career- not her private life.

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IS THERE ANY WAY CHARLIE SHEEN CAN MAKE IT BACK TO WORK ON TUESDAY?

The countdown has begun. ”Two and a Half Men” is resuming production Monday and Charlie Sheen is expected to show up for work Tuesday. But he’s on another bender and unraveling fast – his advisors are trying to stop him from buying multi-million dollar neighboring houses in Mulholland Estates for his two ex wives. Crack loving exwife Brooke Mueller has already moved back into his house along with a few porn stars. (The beginning of the “porn family?”) He went on an insane shopping spree and spent $900,000 on cars for pornstars along with a $160,000 Mercedes for Brooke. He packed up Brooke and the porn girls and left for the Bahamas (Brooke ditched him at some point.) He’s been calling radio shows from the Bahamas, badmouthing his producer Chuck Lorre, challenging him to a fight, and ranting and raving like a madman. But he INSISTS he will be back at work. We can hardly wait.
UPDATE: Apparently CBS executives finally got fed up with Charlie’s antics and cancelled the show for the season. Stay tuned for Charlie’s reaction!

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WHY DOESN’T CHARLIE SHEEN HAVE ANY FRIENDS?

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Charlie Sheen might be living the life many men dream about – he has loads of money and he spends it on porn stars, drugs, booze, and gambling. But has anyone noticed that he doesn’t have any FRIENDS? He’s never had a group of buddies to hang out with or watch sports with. The only people who care about him are related to him – his family. Charlie doesn’t go out after work with pals from the set and the only people around him are paid assistants, exwives he supports, drug dealers, and madams. His solitary friendless life became apparent when an intervention was discussed and the only people available were his parents, as usual. Being Charlie Sheen isn’t as much fun as it looks.

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COURTNEY LOVE TAKES A TRIP

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Courtney Love gets around – and she falls down in the nicest places. She’s pictured here in London leaving Public – a club noted for it’s eclectic music and strong drinks. Despite being helped out the door, Courtney nearly fell several times trying to get to her car.

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CHRISTINA AGUILERA: IT’S TIME TO GROW UP

What the heck is going on with Christina Aguilera? Ever since she left her husband for Matthew Rutler, whom she met while filming Burlesque, she appears to have been on a bender. Rutler has become something of a caretaker while Christina, 30, parties her butt off and more than once he’s been seen holding her up. Before she married, Christina was a wild party girl but after having a baby she was seldom seen in nightclubs. Maybe the failure of her marriage, her last album, and her movie Burlesque, all AT ONCE is causing her to overindulge. Jeremy Renner was surprised when she crashed his A-list birthday party, but appalled to find her passed out in HIS bedroom with Matthew rubbing her back. She also made a scene in a New York club getting snarky with Burlesque costar Julianne Hough. Get a grip, Christina, everybody has problems.

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KELSEY GRAMMER A CROSS DRESSER? CAMILLE’S NOT THE FIRST WOMAN TO SAY SO

Camille Grammer tantalized Howard Stern with hints that her estranged husband Kelsey Grammer is a cross dresser. Unfortunately for Kelsey some of us have long memories and recall a long-ago story published in the National Enquirer. This is back in the 80’s before the internet. One of Kelsey’s stripper girlfriends sold a story to the magazine revealing Kelsey’s sex secrets – the most amusing being his penchant for dressing up in women’s clothes for kinky sex. She claimed that after Kelsey indulged in lots of coke and booze, he gussied himself up in pantyhose, a frock, full makeup, and a wig as a turn-on before sex. She emphasized that Kelsey was not gay, but one of those straight men who like to cross-dress. It’s quite a mental picture.

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COURTENEY COX GOT HER WISH: DAVID ARQUETTE CHECKED INTO REHAB

David Arquette is making a grand last attempt to save his marriage to Courteney Cox by checking into rehab. As we told you, Courteney has been alarmed by David’s alcohol consumption and late partying since they split up and she tried to talk him into rehab. She pointed out that if nothing else, he owed it to his daughter. After one last boozy night out at the Roosevelt Hotel on New Year’s Eve, David went straight to rehab, saying he “owed it to his family.”

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JASON WAHLER CREDITS DR DREW WITH CHANGING HIS WASTED LIFE

Dr Drew doesn’t have a high success rate with his addicted patients on Celebrity Rehab, but that’s the nature of the beast. Only time will tell, but it seems he might have succeeded with Jason Wahler. Lauren Conrad’s ex boyfriend on “The Hills” (who sometimes bears a striking resemblance to Colin Farrell) had six alcohol related arrests up until last June. Season 4 of Rehab is still airing, but Wahler says he’s cleaned up his act. He was “scared straight” when he realized he was drinking as much as a fifty year old alcoholic. Rooming with Jason Davis was another revelation. Wahler figured out what he DIDN’T want to do with his life. He says he’s moved back to Orange County and started skateboarding and surfing again. His family’s in the business, so he’s getting a real estate license. Good start.

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