NEWLYWED PENELOPE CRUZ IS JOHNNY DEPP’S NEMESIS IN NEW “PIRATES” MOVIE

Freshly married Penelope Cruz reported for work on the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie “On Stranger Tides” in Maui and slipped into her sexy pirate attire. She plays Blackbeard the pirate’s vicious daughter who takes Johnny Depp’s character Jack Sparrow hostage. Keep in mind the LAST Pirates of the Caribbean movie was the 8th biggest grossing movie of all time. Rumors abound that the new Mrs Javier Bardem is pregnant – let’s hope the boat scenes on the high seas don’t upset her tummy.

17 thoughts on “NEWLYWED PENELOPE CRUZ IS JOHNNY DEPP’S NEMESIS IN NEW “PIRATES” MOVIE

  1. What a fitting role for Ms. Cruz, considering one of her former lovers was a rumored ass-pirate.

    Captain America, where the hell are you when we need you?

  2. Like Captain Jack, the aforementioned former lover was ALSO a pipe-smoker.

    Ah, c’mon Captain!!!!

  3. Sebastian: I don’t who the former lover was..

    Penelope is a small tiny thing. When she was dating little Tom C, they seemed perfect together. (at least he wouldn’t have had to stand on tippy toes for a smooch). He may have married her, uh oh, except for one small thing….She told him to take SCIentology and shove it. Now he’s got another wifey about 3 or 4 inches taller. lol

  4. Indy, you say you don’t know who he is, but cannot stop writing about him. Just in case you still haven’t figured it out, here’s a little song:

    Four-foot two, eyes of blue….

  5. OHHHHHHHHH…..you mean Tiny Tom, I thought you meant Cap’n Asshole with the tiny pee pee!

  6. C’mon folks, it was hardly the riddle of the sphinx!

  7. …………it’s about running a brothel, folks?

  8. I’ve alway liked Penelope Cruz and knew when she was with Tom Cruise that the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. She’s hispanic and Catholic. That would have never played in her family.

  9. Tom smokes a pipe?

    Both Nicole and Katie were practicing Catholics. Seems Tom wanted someone with not much experience.

  10. Sebastian: I must have had a brain-drain. Duh to me on the 4 foot 2.

  11. Indy, LOL!

    B Bluejay, Cruz is from Spain, Kidman from Australia, hardly the Christian versions of Afghanistan.

    Did you think that both Kidman and Cruz were virgins when they first met Tom? Hardly. Now, they may have fewer men than Cruise, but that is a whole other thing.

  12. Cruz and Cruise were totally fake on the red carpet when they were dating. It’s doubtful Cruz and Cruise ever had sex–they stayed friends after “it” was over.

  13. As with Kidman, Cruz’s career began to build once she was “involved with Tom” and really took off towards the end of the “relationship”. That was the pay off.

    As with prostitutes, beards can, if they are at the top of the profession, do very VERY well.

  14. As with Kidman, Cruz’s career began to build once she was “involved with Tom” and really took off towards the end of the “relationship”. That was the pay off.

    I am glad I am not the only one who noticed this.

    Four-foot two, eyes of blue….
    …jump on Oprah’s couchy-poo…

    Loves to think he’s got us fooled
    But we know what he gets up to.

  15. E, I thought that EVERYONE noticed. You were obviously more realistic than I about the average person’s powers of observation.

    B Bluejay, Tom was never on the red carpet.

    …Oh, you meant, as in award shows and premieres. I thought you were talking about Nicole.

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