Morrissey

MORRISSEY: HETEROSEXUAL MEN START ALL THE WARS!

Imagine our surprise when we heard that singer Morrissey believes that if more men were gay, there would be no wars! He says that war and armies are heterosexual hobbies and gay men don’t have the desire to kill other men like straight men do. We are in complete agreement. But a far better solution would be to have more WOMEN in charge. Females are disastrously underrepresented in positions of leadership and they don’t want to kill anyone either. All we need is more sensible female world leaders and the sooner the better – if we are ever to enjoy peace. Imagine a world without egotistical testosterone fueled heterosexual men in charge!

DON’T INVITE MORRISSEY TO A BARBECUE

A longtime vegetarian, Morrissey (“The Smiths”) has never been one to mince words and when he started gagging onstage during his performance at Coachella, he declared “I smell burning flesh – and I hope to God it’s human!” He stormed off the stage, flashing contemptuous looks toward the stands frying burgers near the stage. Eventually he returned, only to gag some more. The set was a disappointment, but when he took off his shirt, it was apparent that a vegetarian diet is not necessarily low in calories.