Teeth

MATTHEW PERRY’S BIG TERRIBLE THINGS

Gotta give Matthew Perry credit for writing his often-startling memoir Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing WITHOUT the help of a ghost writer. Not many celebs can pull that off. We had forgotten all about his short but sweet romance with Julia Roberts back in the day (now we know why it ended.) Perry’s intestinal drama and nine months with a colostomy bag caused by drugs was indeed scary. But most upsetting was his revelation that drug abuse caused him to lose all his top teeth at once! Imagine the Friends star visiting his dentist with half his teeth in a baggie in his pocket!

JOHNNY DEPP: PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS

After trouncing his ex-wife Amber Heard in court, Johnny Depp, 58, has plenty to smile about, but you rarely see his teeth. They are not the same teeth you remember from 1990’s Cry-Baby. Due to chain-smoking from the age of 12, substance abuse, (he bragged that his personal wine bills were in excess of $30,000 per month) and dental neglect, Johnny is starting to resemble his musical idol Shane McGowan from The Pogues. Hopefully he will invest some of the millions that Amber Heard now owes him into his mouth.

POST MALONE: FASHION VICTIM OR FASHION ICON?

It’s amazing how some people choose to spend their money. Case in point: Post Malone, who has, believe it or not, become a fashion influencer. His hairstyles, from pigtails to shaved head, his custom cowboy suits, and his manicures, have caught the eyes of men’s fashion magazines. And don’t forget that this is a guy who occasionally wears sparkly $495 St Laurent barrettes that spell out CALL ME! Malone’s latest indulgence is his teeth- he spent 1.6 million dollars to turn his eye teeth into diamond fangs- and while he was at it, he perfected his other teeth with veneers. Here’s hoping smoking doesn’t discolor that expensive smile…

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PHARRELL WILLIAMS: THE $100,000 DILEMMA IN HIS MOUTH

He created that incredible song Happy, but we’ve rarely seen Pharrell Williams smile lately. He was photographed yesterday at the Chanel show in Paris with his wife Helen and his son Rocket and he doesn’t look particularly happy. Do you suppose his new $100,000 multicolored grill has anything to do with it? His gold grill features diamonds, sapphires, rubies, and emeralds, and he wears it on special occasions, (we assume the Chanel show is one!) IF he smiles, his mouth attracts a LOT of attention, and if he doesn’t, his teeth just look a bit dingy. Let’s face it, grills just don’t photograph well. When Pharrell debuted the grill on social media he got a lot of negative feedback. Some fans thought it was too vulgar and flashy for his smart and positive image. If it keeps him from smiling, it can’t be a good thing…

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VANESSA PARADIS: DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF YOUR SMILE!

It’s time for Vanessa Paradis to get a grip. Those gap teeth are not doing her any favors. After a certain age, gap teeth can look more “homeless” than cute. Surely Vanessa has noticed that when she appears in Chanel ads, she is never asked to smile! Vanessa’s gap is much wider than Madonna’s and Madonna stopped smiling YEARS AGO! (Check her Instagram!) Hopefully cosmetic dentistry is on Vanessa’s to-do list by NOW…

Photo Credit: BACKGRID-USA Vanessa at Cannes

VANESSA PARADIS: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF A SMILE

Vanessa Paradis has always been adorable, and she’s always been (gently) teased about the gap in her teeth (Years ago, model Lauren Hutton made such gaps perfectly acceptable.) Vanessa, 47, shrugs off comments with “I was born this way – why change it?” and her ex-partner Johnny Depp never complained. We’ve seen many photos of Vanessa smiling with her mouth shut, but at the Deauville American Film Festival she must have been particularly happy – and had a BIG smile. We can’t help thinking she’d look a whole lot better with some cosmetic dentistry. What do YOU think?

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IT HAS TO BE GARY BUSEY

Takes more than a hat and sunglasses for Gary Busey to avoid being recognized. All he has to do is open his mouth and you can’t miss him! Gary has highly recognizable teeth! Although they did seem even bigger when he starred in The Buddy Holly Story…
Above, Gary shopping at pavilions in Malibu

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BILLY PORTER: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?

Broadway star (Kinky Boots) and fashion icon Billy Porter is always immaculately groomed and dressed to kill – on or off the red carpet. He’s an expert at grand entrances, but nobody’s perfect ALL the time. Billy was snappily attired and minding his own business today, looking successful in New York, but he made a FATAL ERROR that detracted enormously from his good looks- he was PICKING HIS TEETH with a dental floss pick as he walked down the street! Yikes!

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JADEN SMITH’S HAIR MATCHES HIS TEETH

Jaden Smith looks like he’s having a good time signing autographs at the Hollywood premier of his father Will’s movie Gemini Man. He’s dressed to kill in his Vuitton suit with pink chains and pearls, pink socks and pink hair. (Incidentally, he also has a pink car.) Yes, he is obsessed with the color. If you’re wondering why his teeth look strange, it’s because he’s wearing his new grill and every other tooth (top and bottom) is sparkly pink!

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WHAT’S UP WITH ELTON JOHN’S TEETH?

The Lion King is apparently a very big deal in the UK because tons of celebrities were in attendance, among them, Elton John. We thought Elton looked nicely put together until we saw this close-up photo of him smiling, revealing his godawful teeth. What possesses this man to spend unbelievable amounts of money on HIS WARDROBE and every other luxury imaginable – yet he neglects a basic essential – HIS TEETH? Has he never smiled at himself in the mirror? Yikes…

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